Last Updated on April 7, 2025 by Tanya Janse van Rensburg
Writing your own wedding vows can feel like trying to fit your entire relationship into a few lines of heartfelt, beautiful prose—while knowing your friends, family, and maybe a videographer will be watching.
It’s a big task, but it doesn’t have to send you into full panic mode.
Here’s how to write meaningful, personal vows without the meltdown.
Don’t wait until the night before your ceremony. Give yourself a few weeks, if not more.
This allows time to reflect, edit, and breathe. Early drafting also helps you avoid the pressure of racing the clock—no one writes well while panicking over florals and catering confirmations.
Before putting pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard), spend a little time reflecting.
Ask yourself:
Jot down phrases, memories, and words that come to mind. These will form the foundation of your vows.
Your vows don’t need to cover every detail of your love story. Pick a few key moments or traits that capture the essence of your relationship.
Focus on what matters most to you and your partner—not what you think people want to hear.
If you’re not sure where to begin, use a simple structure:
This keeps your vows organized and easier to write—and easier to deliver without losing your place (or your composure).
Aim for 1–2 minutes max. It’s enough time to say something meaningful without drifting into Oscar acceptance speech territory.
Brevity also keeps you from getting overwhelmed while reading aloud.
Your vows should sound like you. Don’t worry about using fancy language or poetic metaphors unless that’s already your style.
Speak from the heart in your own voice. It’ll feel more natural—and more powerful.
Read your vows aloud several times. Practicing helps with pacing, emotion management, and confidence.
It also lets you hear how the words actually sound—not just how they read on the page.
Print a clean copy on a card or keep it neatly written. Avoid reading from your phone, and don’t rely on memory alone.
Things get emotional. Paper doesn’t lock, update, or go to sleep.
You might get teary. You might pause. You might mess up a word. That’s okay.
Real emotion is part of the moment. You’re not performing—you’re making a promise.
Wrap up your vows with a final, heartfelt promise or a line that sums it all up. It doesn’t have to be profound—just genuine.
Writing your vows is a gift to your partner. It’s one of the few moments in your wedding that’s completely personal.
So take a breath, trust yourself, and remember: this isn’t about perfection.
It’s about love, and you’ve already got that part figured out.
